“Recreating myself one epic screw up at a time and becoming a better version of myself for the sake of my daughter. I am letting go of labels, absolutes, and ideals and finally giving myself permission to be…me.”

That is the intro to my new podcast entitled the Dannie De Novo Podcast. De Novo is a Latin phrase typically used in law, which means to start anew. I am living out some life transitions right now and have elected to go through the process in front of a microphone. I welcome you to be part of this journey with me.

There were times in my life when my current circumstances (divorce, job loss) would have really gotten to me. But now, I have a baby girl to look after. I have a reason not to go down the wrong path anymore. And, in order to stay on the straight and narrow, I have had to embrace a number of new thought processes. I have had to start to master the mental aspects of this great big ride.

To me, this process is a lot like learning how to ride a horse. At the beginning, the horse dictates and you basically just sit there. Then, as you get more comfortable, you take some chances and inevitably fall off. Then you get scared, so you let the horse take over again. Then you get mad because you are tired of the horse running your leg into trees, so you try and manhandle the horse. The result? You fall off again. I mean, you can’t out-muscle an 1100-pound animal. So, you compromise and then you and the horse start to work together. The funny thing about horseback riding is, though, the more you ride, regardless of how good you get, the more times you fall off. It’s the law of averages. The more times you put your foot in the stirrup and mount up, the more times your butt will hit the dirt. I find this is a lot like life.

One night, I was riding a beautiful, big bay of mine named Apollo. My brother and I were out on a late summer evening trail ride in a local park area. Apollo was a big boy and he liked to buck. A buck is when a horse lowers its head and kicks up its hind legs and hindquarters into the air. Apollo was always pretty spirited and was guilty of often times finding excuses to misbehave. This night was one of those nights. He saw some children playing nearby and took his chance. He bucked so hard that I came up straight out of the saddle. My feet completely came out of the stirrups. The funny part was that I came straight back down, and lucky for me, Apollo hadn’t moved. Well, he moved just a bit. He moved just enough that I landed almost directly on the silver-encrusted horn of the Western saddle I had elected to ride in that night. (Why, oh why, didn’t I go English!?) Anyway, it hurt. It hurt so badly that I just slid off the side of my horse onto the ground from sheer pain.

I laid there for a minute and then my brother asked me if I could get back on, and I said I thought I could. When I rolled onto my knees, it became apparent that a large crowd had now gathered around us to see what happened. It also became painfully obvious that the sudden impact with the saddle had caused my jeans to explode open, starting at the zipper and going all the way down to my knee. How lucky I was to have chosen purple underwear that day. I mustered up as much dignity as I could find and stood up to get back on and then I rode back to my barn with essentially no pants.

By the time we got back to the barn, I had a contusion that ran from my left knee all the way to my chest. And I mean it was the darkest purple you have ever seen, even darker than my exposed purple underwear. I developed a hematoma in a really awkward place, but other than that, I was just heavily bruised and heavily embarrassed.

What is the purpose of the story? I’ve had a few epic falls off the horse. I’ve had a few epic falls—I’ve had a few epic fails. Actually, I screw up really big sometimes. Really, really big. But, I still have to get back on that horse. I can’t lay in the middle of the park forever while people laugh at the fact that my pants seem to have disappeared. I have to get back to the barn. And then tomorrow, I have to saddle up again, this time with new pants and a greater appreciation for the laws of physics.

How do you keep getting back on a horse that bucked you so hard you aren’t sure if you will ever have children? First, you have to have the desire to get back on your Apollo, whatever that means to you at the time. You have to want to ride that crazy steed. You’ve got to want it so badly that even a 3-foot-long body bruise won’t keep your butt out of that saddle. Then, once you get in the saddle and commit to staying there, which is sometimes tricky in and of itself, you have to do one very important thing. YOU MUST ENJOY THE RIDE! You cannot sit up there and wait for the next buck. You can’t constantly brace yourself for pubic-bone impact. You can’t continue to relive the night your pants exploded. You need to relax and enjoy the fresh air, the sounds of nature, and your quirky horse. Enjoy being in the moment and being alive. Shift your attitude.

And when the next buck comes, and it will come sooner or later, just know that you have the strength to withstand it. You may blow open your jeans, you may have to tell you OB-GYN a really bizarre story, you may even be sidelined for a few days so that you can let your purple body heal, but you will survive—because of your attitude. And then, one day, the incident becomes a funny story you tell people you have just met randomly at your office holiday party.

Life is so much more fun when you don’t care that everyone can see your purple underwear. Life is so much more fun when you let it actually be fun.

Dannie Maiolo

The aim of Dannie’s new podcast in her own words: Recreating my attitude and my own definition of success. Letting go of past mistakes and making a little bit of fun of myself—in a loving way—in the process. If you would like to listen, it’s free to do so. Just go here: http://danniedenovo.libsyn.com

Or, feel free to contact Dannie Maiolo, at danniedenovo@gmail.com or on Instagram @danniedenovo!